Which now seems gone forever. He also has an enlarged prostate and his GP said that testosterone therapy could bring on cancer. There are many types of intimacy, and they tend to dovetail. It destroyed us and our marriage for all intents and purposes. My spouse of 40 years has no lnterest ln sex ,he does not touch me exsept when on the couch he puts his leg over mine and hugs me before we go to bed as l have scoliosis and need to sleep ln a diff bed we go to places together and we get along he says lt is his prostate which the Dr confirmed but l feel lf he really wanted to he could he says after an o lt bothers him ,l love him,but feel he ls angry at me for stupid mistakes l made in the past not cheating but as cracked up our car ,l just want to feel loved,he bought me flowers for mothers day but l bitched as. I love you, but I am not happy this way. It is now marketers more to females also, which isnt improving relationships. Do this consistently, eat a mostly protein based diet and cut out sugar for 6 months and report back. We could be spontaneous. Then extreme back problems thru me into disability. 90% of my enjoyment of sex is seeing her turned on an having a rip roaring time. . My wife has no desire for . My husband and I separated recently. You risk losing it all for the same quick minute that you already have with your wife. Your husband is a very lucky man. that you would love to have *that* him back in your life. Someone who spends all their time on the computer or their phone is looking for something or someone other than the person they are with. You need boundaries to actively live yours in a healthy manner without them in your bedroom. Wow. I cant stop thinking about it. Run why stay? Share your feelings with your wife openly, honestly, and vulnerably without expecting it to lead to something physical. While its true that marriage isnt for everyone, it certainly isnt worthless. Working with a therapist will help you learn to ask her how she prefers to be touched and help empower her to guide you. While some of the underlying factors can be weeded out with the right approach and mindset, others can be more damaging to the entire relationship. Dont you dare accuse all men of being selfish and unhelpful. Be caring. Frustrated. That can happen because of a lack of communication, a lack of understanding or just misinterpreting what their spouse is thinking. She has very little interest in penetration. Take stock of all the good things you still have in your relationship that you might not find again. LoL. I still plan/need to continue working in a high tech job many hours a week, with excellent insurance, which is fortunate, and there is no way she can drive or work for several decades now. Want to know why? She knows this but never initiates. I love her to death, but Im sick of the constant rejection. She needs you to see the world from her eyes and to understand her perspective. At 78 and after 47 years of marriage I kind of resigned myself to a sexless marriage.My rabbi was married over 55 years and said he had 4 good years sohe was not complaining.He also said over 90 percent of members of the congregation were miserable in their marriages.I guess he and I. Hello Dave, Shes sorry, but I love her and say its ok. EXACTLY!!! Its a bummer most times. No, I should say male divined WRONG! The most affection I can show without her being irritated is spooning for a short period when were in bed Id better not move my hands to caress her! I get tired of waking up because I realize Im having an erotic dream and humping the bed. Ive been in one for about 47 years and Im the cause of it. They learn to accept the situation and carry on with life. We had a fantastic time learning each other and how to do it together! I guess my story isnt as bad as many. Were your one-stop destination for unraveling the mystery that is love. He has no desire. I say, screw your desire lol. If that is not possible, it may be too late. She just isnt attracted to me. Not!! Technology is at an amazing point for this right now. A dip in intimacy can be brought on by several factors new responsibilities, changing priorities, biological and physiological changes. Below are a few potential reasons that might explain why your wife is not interested in you sexually. Maybe your wife isn't initiating sex, or she seems to be actively avoiding it. Our marriage still isnt consummated, and this grieves me as I yearn to be loved in this way. That was then and she is gone now. my dad still wants to have sex but my mom is too tired and no longer comfortable with sex. We lose ourselves. I want to be involved in sex to enjoy the feeling of being loved by a woman.. in bed nothing happen just sleep. My opinion only, so, most likely only worthy in my estimation. Im leaving when I can stash away the cash. Were in a lifetime partnership. I lived with her for a year after a very contentious divorce from the mother of my children who cheated. Here are some possible openings finesse one or more of these to fit your comfort and style: I strongly suggest that you see a sex therapist (find one in your location) or a sex-savvy counselor for guidance. You cant have me, but you cant have anybody else, is the most selfish and controlling position possible. Its always whatever you want then she lays there kind of tense. I find that unfathomable. The comments given above is very true. My wife and I hadnt had sex for more than a year. 10 years of this and going on5 years since last try, dont sleep in same be, snoring medical issues up down. Does Thunderbird mean anything to you? So selfish and controlling . I can offer a small piece of advise. Regardless of the reason your wife has pulled away from you, you must confront the situation. What to Do When Your Husband Doesn't Want You Sexually - Marriage I sense for it to get all the way to her not wanting to be touched whatsoever at all anymore, something must have happened. Hi Mary Scented coconut oil is a great way to give her a message. 13 Reasons Your Wife Isn't Interested In Sex & What To Do - mindbodygreen I didnt even get a goodmorning after a month away. I am new to this. . It is more like a revenge. "The identity of a young parent can become entirely entwined with that of the children. Be truthful. If your wife doesnt feel attractive anymore, she may shy away from undressing in front of you. The marriage is fine except for the sex. I am a 58 year old woman. 5 minutes of his time now and again isnt much to ask! Susan I think many men would find your comments upsetting. She sleeps in the other room. Why do women marry a good provider and run around with the empty pocket young studs? Women arent suitable for long term monogamy. My wife sleeps through most of this so I try to keep quiet and let her sleep. So, Thomas maybe your right they must be doing it wrong. There is one other medical condition relating to touch called allodynia. I miss the sex, but I miss even more holding her in my arms snuggling with her just touching her maybe copping a feel she sexy. Also add to the equation what is another possibility here: sexual coercion. I have hypertension and medications have affected my ability to get an erection. so I started to do it. And ur right it is really screwed up knowing u might not get laid again or when that might be. Not only may this put her off being intimate, but you may be setting yourself and your wife up for a stressful encounter. Also, I have experienced ageism in the job market. Thank you for sharing! Rejection soon turns into resentment. If a couple's sex life continues to follow a routine that doesn't tend to feel good for the woman, she may lose interest in having sex entirely. We often have no relationship with our partner outside of that shared with the children," OB/GYN Susan Hardwick-Smith, M.D., writes in her book Sexually Woke. She even stopped expressing affection such as hand holding, goodbye kisses, etc. i do not want to go outside the marriage so i guess living with the problem is the. So the time has come to find a willing older gal and have an affair and feel alive and like a man again I watch the couples in my family and I saw the future. 7 years no sex!!! There are physical and emotion consequences to withholding sex from a partner. She says she loves me but cant stand to touch me. My wife is going through menopause and doesn't want sex. Can I look We never had sex before marriage and on our wedding night he rolled over and went to sleep. As a kid I grew up without Christmas or birthdays. Dont hold it against her. My Wife Doesn't Want Me Sexually (My Wife Never Touches Me Anymore) Many men and most women are connected through sexual intimacy. You should make an effort to equally share the responsibilities because you care about her and your relationship, not because you hope it'll win you sex. I do most of the household chores, she doesnt work outside the home, and hasnt since weve been married i constantly compliment her looks,I have been striving for decades to woo her, and sex is now completely off the table, and she wont even cuddle or kiss. That lie: its not important, only if you want it. I was being shipped out to Vietnam and we both were afraid of losing eachother. The phone started beeping and making its different sounds at 630am. We dont understand anything about foreplay or romance. I hope the partner didnt expect to share the celibacy. It has been years since my wife and I have had sex. Meanwhile, I encourage you to keep masturbating. lol. So now a hug one a day (maybe) and pecks on lips when leaving house. I told him if he didnt want a divorce, he should feel free to find date outside the marriage, and if anything serious developed, we would revisit the divorce option. If the lack of interest in physical intimacy came on suddenly and caught you unawares, it is possible that your wife is involved with another person. The counselor ABSOLUTELY never touched on the subject of sex. Expert Lists 13 Reasons, 43 Romantic Date Night Ideas For Married Couples, 44 Unique Birthday Wishes For Husband To Convey Your Love, 33 Most Romantic Things To Do For Your Wife, The Best 51 Anniversary Wishes For Husband, 6 Facts That Sum Up The Purpose Of Marriage. I really just want to be wanted the way I want her, sexually or not, to just be valued as a committed, loving husband. I went through marital counseling before the wedding. No human being should dominate another person. I cant do that, divorce right away. 7. Nothing arouses it. But I have my workshop where I fix cars and my wood shop. This is especially true of couples in their 40s and 50s, or those who have been married more than 10-15 years. Cause it needs done. Ive been humiliated, rejected and told you can have love without sex, because, after all, cripples cant have sex but they still have love. mine forgot my birthday this year (it is 2 days before his lol) and our wedding anniversary : ( I can not compete with his online game omg he plays 24-7 so I can relate to your problem with your wife choosing the phone over you thats cold. No one wants to talk about it. I refuse to live out my life not feeling special. Home Articles Marriage Sex 4 Things to Do When Your Wife Wont Touch You. It was not measurable in his blood. They need not be. If it wasnt for this site I would had forgotten that the word sex even existed! Sometimes I just want fuck all night long but the woman I love has no interest. Most dont ever have this figured out. Over 12 years no sexual contact. Quite frankly, I feel like he has been and is being cheated. She apologies oh well. Copyright 2023 Older Adults Technology Services, Inc. All rights reserved. well, about a year ago she took it upon herself to say no more sex. My wife of 35 years and I have always had difficulty sexually. No sex for about 20 years. So these women that men here are complaining about, it may just be the attraction towards the man is gone! Shes always saying how bad she feels about it but but never offers to do anything. But if neither of those possible remedies to the sexless marriage proves satisfactory, then perhaps the couple should agree to allow the husband to seek sex outside of the marriage. Stayed for the kids (gone now) and because I dont WANT to be divorced but I am so painfully alone. About 5 years ago (we've been married 29) she started not wanting me to touch her breasts as much and over time stopped letting me touch them altogether. I am also in a sexless relationship, same as others in our 50s Im in good shape and shes overweight, out of shape and depressed. And I feel its unfair for me to try to fix something that Im the only one thats putting effort into. I have to listen to her telling me I am fat etc. Your wife may have become so involved in raising the kids that her relationship with you takes a backseat. I domt have to put up with that. Im just not happy & want much more for in life. How I wish the girls would ask ME to dance at school dances. What to do about it: "You need to take the stress out of sex in three steps: Challenge your expectations, communicate effectively with your partner, and take the pressure off by using new physical experiences," Zimmerman advises. She may be experiencing depression or a lack of self-confidence, or maybe she feels like she's failing at this parenting thing. I understand all the reasons she doesnt want sex except one, if she actually loves me wouldnt there be some effort? So our sex lives dwindled until around 15 years ago she realized a more regular sex life might be a good thing. That's part of it, but in long-term relationships, sex is also the fastest route for a man to feel close and connected to his wife. Grab Now! Every month in Sex at Our Age, award-winning senior sexpert Joan Price answers your questions about everything from loss of desire to solo sex and partner issues. Wife does not want me to touch her and immediately goes back to Im 59, wife 63 and the big M has hit her like you have said it did you. You are the problem/ Can you blame her? Most stay in the marriage because of kids and the men cheat as they should. She has to try, and she should want to try for your sake if not hers. And really dont know what to do. 30 years I kept saying to myself.itll get better Now I have ED. I understand your pov at a level you may not understand (sorry) or appreciate. Now when I express frustration, she will occasionally make a half hearted attempt, but rejects me at the last moment which has brought forth some lack of confidence for me and resentment towards her. 2. If she isnt satisfied in bed, it could be that shes tired of initiating intimacy only to be left wanting. Thank you Jeff! He decided hed have an affair. When People Still Want Sex, but Not with Their Partners Still, I was ready to jump back into things in the bedroom. So, while some continue to coax and prod their spouses to get them in the mood, others resign to fate and either make peace with a sex-starved existence or look for gratification elsewhere. Never thought it would happen to me, but it has, plus some other medical problems that leave me exhausted. Ed if your still out there I have the same view as you do on the phone and web. I am 55, my husband is 59. Engage in thought-provoking discussions, make new friends, and share resources all on a safe and ad-free platform. Weve been married 27 years, sex I sure want too. The fact that she cant be bothered to take a few minutes in the shower to manually make things right tells you everything you need to know. He didnt see me and since that day, my attitude towards him has changed. Prostate cancer is the #1 cancer in older men and when the prostate is removed during surgery it makes a man totally impotent no erection, no ejaculation, no orgasm plus total incontinence which means the post cancer patient needs to wear Depends diapers for the rest of his life. I had suggest different ways to have sex and she blew up, I was bored and suggested maybe trying different ways, right away I was a pervert and she called me names that shouldnt be repeated here and kicked out of bed. We have tried many times and many ways to lose weight, but his belly doesnt change much and hes passed his growing stage of life. He will not talk about that either. No one is talking about men who dont want to have sex. Having married one of the well into that 34% is hell. We have had a fall out now and it is the elephant Better have the most compatibly with someone ans have a happy fulfilling relationship. I offered my husband a quick and easy as possible divorce. But it also means were in a status quo that just isnt satisfying. Help out around the house and stop making your wife do everything. Sounds like you had a good long run and shouldnt be complaining. I gotta stop coming here and reading this. This really sucks. . Many marriages are suffering in this area, and even the strongest and most supportive husbands feel isolated from their wives. If hes not willing to seek medical help and take pills to be able to have sex, the frustration amd resentment will be so much. I want that back in my life as well! If they did, they would be taking care of business! I cook and currently renovating the home again only to hear Thats great, Now what about the bedroom?. Then,move on. A very wise woman my grandma. he is very persistent. I have spoken to my wife several times. He worked constantly on the mid night shift away from me. It pains Mike and me to hear that women can suffer this way too. Will, I dont see ruling the relationship and demanding that a wife relieve her husband, even if shes sore or unwilling, as a solution to anything except an unhappy wife. For me, its been 8x in 3 yearsand Ive tried talking about it with him as frequency has dwindled to essentially nothing. I am now dating a man in his 60s, I also am in my 60s and he cant get erection so he shut down any sexual contact and I am dieing for a sexual relationship. You say you dont know if youre doing foreplay right. I need to be held by a mature woman and caressed and brought to orgasm. Some doctors will prescribe testosterone and advise DHEA supplementation. Females are elevated to the superior status of the male they pair with the reverse is not true receive the protection and provisioning of that male, and enjoy the primary bond with the children. So when your wife seems to frequently push you away and demonstrates through her words or actions that she has no interest in making love with you, this behavior is usually caused by a one or more triggering events. We lost our virginity to each other well before our marriage so often, in fact, that on our wedding night we decided we were too tired from the events of the week and just went to bed to sleep. What to do about it: Remember that it's OK to not want sex with your partner sometimes. I am not happy at not having anymore sex in my life at age 64, but I do care for her and she does care for me, not in the sexual way of course. You work, cook, clean, fix, dont drink or do drugs! I am guilty of that. I have tried internet sex and it wasnt bad but it wasnt enough. I dont know if thats whats happening for her, and of course the only way to know is to ask her. We have been convinced to settle and accept less. We havent had sex in 6 months and she has rejected my advances numerous times. When having sex she has to do most of the work especially when it takes him 45 minutes to get hard and all she wants to do is go to sleep because tommorow will come before she knows it or if one of the kids wakes up because they couldnt sleep or they are sick. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Join us online to gain access to exclusive benefits and opportunities only for Senior Planet Supporters! She has just lost interest. Ive been thinking about wanting a second child seven years after I gave birth to our first one. Here are some reasons you can try if your wife doesnt initiate intimacy with you and you want her to be intimate. My guess is shes been trying to rid herself of me for many years but wants me to be the one to leave so she can save face with friends and family. I am 60 and my wife has zero interest in sex, was never real sexual, but after menopause, it is zero. A lot of people are martyrs when it comes to sex. We went to separate colleges and this was before cell phones and computers. It wasnt until I got married at age 40 that I realized that my problem probably wasnt sexual boredom but something else. and possibly evil. Sweetie, I love you with all my heart and it saddens me that you have no interest in intimacy with me and refuse to explore any potential solutions. I am 50 and she is 45 but she began having the same symptom that you described. Then, let the pouting begin. I have both physical and emotional desires that seem to be building resentment towards him. I feel Im too old to do anything to cause me to have to be alone. Fun-loving, Honest and Straightforward. At 20 years I did start having a partner on the side because I was very sexually frustrated and that partner within the same situation. The woman is doing two jobs, especially during the pandemic. Marriage, at its core, is a compromise that trades each partners strengths to make both better off but at a cost. Weve been married nearly 39 years and needless to say the last couple of decades I could have done without his aloofness. Give her some time to destress by setting up a candlelit bath with her favorite essential oils and bath soak. You can be in a marriage without sex. Just do it to make her feel good. I remember when certain words did the trick. No one is talking about wives whose husbands are the one that doesnt want sex. I appear to have some value to her as a friend, roommate, handyman, gardner, earner, companion, but not in any intimate way. I thank you for stating in so frank a manner every frustration that has engulfed me for over 40 years. On the flip side, it could be that your wife suspects you of infidelity and hence has lost her trust in you. Men are not brain dead. I completely recovered and had to start my own business to share in the household expenses. I am 62 and much healthier than my wife. If your wife avoids intimacy, this could be her way of punishing you for something she suspects you of. 39 TRUST ME RUN Dont walk Dont ruin your life!!!! Yet she constantly professes love. Or make a deal with him, sounds very strong at 76. The idea that anyone has to resort to porn, masturbating or ignoring their own healthy needs and desires to actually connect skin to skin with their partner while exchanging looks and words of passion and enjoying, it is wrong. He tries to manipulate me about everything and after 30 years of marriage I am over it. Want to continue the conversation? In long-term relationships, sex can be the fastest route for . NOw he works well and Im proud of him for that. She told me that women need estrogen their whole lives, not just up to menopause. As long as we had a steady job and didnt look like Shrek, shed settle for us. How should I phrase it? We have had little to no connection with them since. I dont even bother to talk to her (all she does is whine and complain).
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